Billie

11:15 pm - Going to London

So although I never post in here anymore, I do still read it and figured some people still read their's too...

I am going to London next semester and am keeping a blog while I am there. If you are interested in reading about my adventures go to http://billieisineurope.blogspot.com/

It should be fun!

09:33 pm - shows and more shows

I know I haven't posted in forever...but thats ok.

I am now as of five minutes ago officially stage managing two shows...yes not one but two...and they are only a week apart. I have no idea how I am going to keep my sanity and if Cory (the boyfriend) will still want to date me when its over.

I am stage managing Uninetown!! I just interviewed for this one tonight and got hte call like 5 minutes ago. I am incharge of running rehersals, calling cues, and everything in the production. I am so excited.

I am also managing/organizing the Vagina Monologues. This was the show that I committed to first. I am going to be organizing and doing that type of stuff. This one shouldn't be as intense as Urinetown though becuae people are used to working in/with it.

So that is my happiness as of right now! I'm so excited!!!

Current Mood: ecstatic

02:52 pm

so here is the update on what is happening with me...

I am taking the internship in NYC for the summer. This means that Sunday...yes this Sunday, I am moving to the city. I am living in an apartment with one of my parents friends from here...her daughter. She is really cool, like if i met her somewhere she is someone that I would probably be friends with. The downside of this arrangement is that I'm on the couch for the two months at $400/month. I know this is good for city standards but...ouch. I will be there from June 4 - July 27. Hopefully this will be good.

I'm still worried about the internship though..it just seems very disorganized. Like the guy called me yesterday saying that he is still waiting to hear about and office for the interns..he wants the one accross the hall, but if we don't get that one we'll have on in Teaneck, NJ. I wanted to work in the city...and not do a reverse commute of everyone else...so who knows how this will turn out. I think though I will have internet while I am there like in the office...so expect frequent bored updates.

Other then that things are good. Tim and I are still together and hopefully he'll be visiting me in the city once or twice. He is planning on coming for the parade. I hate long distance relationships...I keep freaking out and thinking that he doesn't like me and isn't calling me when it was like a day since we talked last. But my conversation wtih him last night calmed those nerves for a while. So anyone in a long distance I don't know how you do it...

So thats about it...

Current Mood: good

01:32 pm - Mermaid Parade

So this is slightly early...and I'll probably update about this again soon, but the Mermaid Parade is coming up on June 24th.

What is the Mermaid Parade you may ask...well it is a huge parade in Coney Island, New York. Everyone dresses up as mermaids...men, women, and children. You see parts of people that you never wanted to see..but it is so much fun. I've gone to it since I was little becuase my uncle who run the only government funded freak show left in the country is the person who runs the parade. My entire family goes and we sell t-shirts helping out the freak show and so the parade can keep happening every year.

It really is an awesome experience and something everyone should go to at least once in their life. I will be there this year, and if anyone want more info on it or how to get there let me know. I hope to see some of you there this year!

Current Mood: giddy

12:51 pm - I'm gonna try this updating thing...

Hi everyone. It has been a whole long time since I actually made an official update, but so everyone knows whats going on I figured here is the easiest place to tell people. Sorry its long...but so much has happened. If you make it to the end I'll be impressed!

Well... for those of you at home who don't know I have a boyfriend!! His name is Tim, he's 23. From New Hampshire. I really like him. He and I are still trying to find ways to see each other over this summer. Ok gaggle..I have a question. I think he said love the other day on the phone. I wasn't sure the first time...cause it was cell phone to cell phone so the connection wasn't great and he doesn't articulate on the phone at all. So the first time I thought he said either love or miss so I said you too. Then like 2 days ago...he said love again. And this time I'm pretty sure it was love. I was just like you too...cause I mean I wasn't positive. What do I say...can I ask him....I feel like that would be slightly odd "oh by the way did you say that you love me?" Yea not a fun conversation...and then why would he say it for the first time while we were on the phone. I mean it was "i love you" but it was like an at the end of the conversation when we were hanging up "bye love you." type thing...what do I do? I don't know if I love him or not...

Next...for those of you who know that I applied to go to Africa this summer and build school, I didn't get it. I got put on the wait list, and am wicked pissed off at them. I was told it was a pretty much guarantee that I would get it because I went on the Spring Break trip with them. Stupid fuckers. And because I was like almost positive I was going to get it...I didn't have a back up.

So I am home on Monday the 8th being like what the fuck am I going to do this summer. I cannot stay in the valley for the whole time...not after I've tasted freedom for such a long period. So I looked up a bunch of internship and called camps did a whole lot of searching...and wasn't finding much. Well my mom was helping me with the search and found somewhere that was still looking for interns. Well I called the place probably around like 1 ish this past Monday, to ask I they were still applications. I talked to the guy, and he said yes, send him my resemue and picture as soon as I can and then we'll either interview that day or the next. So by about 2:50 I had finished updating my resemue and adding all the lovely college stuff I do onto it...and send him it in an email. With in the next 5 minutes I got a call from him on my cell phone...asking if I had time to interview right then. I said sure...and after a 45 minute conversation I have an internship in NYC from June 5- July 28. Wee...I now have something to do this summer. I'm happy. Only problem is...I'm still trying to find a place to live in the city. I have a few contacts I'm working on...so who knows where I'll end up living. Well as I'm writing this I just got a call from someone that lives there. She said that I can like stay on her couch, or like bring a blow up bed and stay there for the 2 months. She's also probably not going to be there the whole time and was like I can stay in her bed when she isn't there. Hoorray for definitely having somewhere to say! And right after that phone call...Nicole just called me saying she is also looking for a place in the city....so who knows what will happen.

So great day so far. Right after my interview..I had to go to the allergy doctor to see how my cat scan turned out, and cause my allergies and sinuses have been killing me. Well turns out he thinks I need surgery on my sinuses. Great...well the next day I went to another doctor...and he confirmed that I need the surgery. I don't know how this is going to work. Well so I'm getting surgery on July 28th and leaving the internship a day early.

Ok so allergies and sinus are taken care of. For some reason though I still can't wear my contacts..I figured it was allergies. Well for the hell of it I put my contacts in and turns out my vision is all messed up. I ignore it. Then like two days later I attempt it again..my eyes weren't bothering me so bad so I figured why not. Well my vision again was all messed up, so I call up the eye doctor like freaking out being like um...yea I can't see when I have in my contacts. So go in have an appointment...hoorray for not one but two infections in my eyes. This is turning out to be a great week! So I have lots of eye drops now. I'm actually taking a whole lot of drugs now...if you need something I probably have it or have something close enough.

Other then that I've just been relaxing, finding a place to live, watching way to much tv especially Law and Order. So my week and half home has been fun filled. I just wish it would stop raining. Its warmer in Worcester then here...and its supposed to be warmer here we're south of Worcester. I don't understand...well thats about it for now...I'm impressed if you read it all.

Current Mood: drained

10:45 pm - tribute to Nat

DD: The Wonder Years

Current Mood: perky

11:24 am - this is funny

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In February I gave mrducks200 a wet willie, then I took it back (-5 points). Last Tuesday I put gum in phuck's hair (-12 points). In April I helped crazyinlove4128 hide a body (-173 points). Last Sunday I gave _ckdexterhaven_ a kidney (1000 points). In September I ruled Asscrackistan as a kind and benevolent dictator (700 points). Overall, I've been nice (1510 points). For Christmas I deserve an Easy-Bake Oven! Sincerely, lildevilchik429

Current Mood: cranky

09:28 pm - i did it!

Hey everyone. I know it has been forever and a day sinse I have updated, and well I wasn't planning on updating...but I thought this was worth an update. I finally got my breast reduction everyone! I'm like oober excited! I had the surgery on Wed. this past week. I'm doing fine. I'm on minimal drugs. I'm moving around fine. So I just thought I'd tell you all how excited I am.

Current Mood: excited

02:58 pm

as most of you know I almost never update, but I took this quiz and thought it was worth an update.

04:55 pm

Current Mood: busy

09:38 pm - Awsome day!!!

So according to Russ Hart this month is "Get off your ass and update month." So I am and well today has been awsome.

So school boring and all but whatever. After school I went and got my eyebrows wax. They look awsome might I tell you.

Then it was to the JCC. I organized a coat room for the Hanukkah dinner to raise money for teens in Israel. We raised $137.66!!! Hellz yea. I'm crazy excited. Not much more to that goal of $180 before the Super Bowl...so if any of you lovely people would like to donate I'd be so happy.

So after that being all exciting and great I come home and go online. I'm doing my thing, checking my email. And i get this one from the Coco-Cola scholarship group saying I became one of the semi-finalists. Over 104,000 people applied and only 2,600 people made it onto the next leval. Thats 3 fucking percent!! So this next level only 250 people get scholarships. 50 get $20,000 and 200 get $4,000. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Horray!!

Current Mood: ecstatic

09:45 pm

Hey yall. So I haven't updated in well a long time but becuase Alex tonight said that I only update when I'm bitching about something I decided to go against what he said and update. So Happy Day After Turkey Day everyone. I hope everyones tummies are full and about to burst becuae I know mine is.

Even though I'm still totally full from the Turkey Day I got a sudden craving for ice cream today, and since it was like 4 30 and at that time Alex had fallen off the face of the earth Kelly and I decided to go up to Hillside. On the drive there we realized its not really as long of a drive as everyone makes it out to be...it would probably have taken us longer to get to the high school then get there. So we got there...and are in line I had decided to get chocolate pretzle in a suger cone (my favorite but they don't have it as often as I would like). So while in line I'm like Kelly what are you getting...and she's like oh I'm getting nothing I just came along for the ride. So becuase she was stubborn I was the only one who was eating ice cream.

Then later on Alex came over and we watched the movie "Catch Me if you Can." Great movie and hey guess what guys I actually watched the movie!! It was good. Then he left at like 9:00 when I drove him home.

So that was about the recent stuff thats going on. Or at least just for today. Nothing to big in the past. Alex and I started going out like 2 months ago. And thats going well. I got an international chairwomanship in BBYO. So thats all good. I get to plan a two week program this summer all about Israel..and possibly I'll get to go to Israel again.

College stuff is a pain in the ass. I can't wait for it to be over along with scholarship applications. My mom is crazy OCD with that stuff. I'm ready to kill her but ehh I'll be over soon.

And thats my life for now.

Current Mood: indescribable

06:44 pm

You're an Identity Creator
You're in touch with your emotions and clearly express what you want. When you listen to the concerns of others, you discover what is best for them. You help them accept themselves.


The passionate you believes in yourself and others. You actively listen and give diplomatic feedback. With astonishing empathy, you see others' dreams. Magically, your strong belief makes wishes come true.

The centered you orders priorities. Objectively you balance your present commitments against possible opportunities. When all is quiet within, you value what you have without hanging on to it.

The emotional you analyzes your thoughts before you speak. This gives you the ability to articulate your feelings with great depth. Therefore, others listen when you speak. You are the confidant

05:19 pm - ....

so much for being in a good relationship that i thought would work out. He ended things, and it sucks. I miss him cause for some reason I thought this would work out. I didn't know him long, and we were only together for probably like a week or two but there was something there that hasn't been there in my past relationships. I'm upset about it, but there is nothing I can do about it. We're still friends though. Which is a good thing, but hard.
Life other then that is good I guess. The student run should be starting if everything gets worked out soon. We have practice starting the 13th and need to have two yes two more platforms by the 20th. Thats gonna be hard and take a lot of time, but ehh thats really the only thing we need to do so I'm not giving him that much shit about it yet.
Qouting Dan Lantz "You never realize how much bread you eat until its taken away." Its so true. Passover is the hell holiday. I don't mind not eating like physical bread but the everything else that I'm not supposed to have is pointless. But, eh thats Passover and I guess while I'm living with my parents in their house I guess while home I'll do it their way.
And thats about it. There probably is more but I don't remember it all. I'm just annoyed at my life and everything about it.

Current Mood: annoyed

11:45 am - ..someone is gonna die...

so I was just informed by Kerstetter to look at the newspaper Times Leader in the main section on page 9A..well i didn't have the paper and he told me about the article..it is a editorial saying that our musical this year the Pajama Game should not have gone on. In fact that title of the article is "Recent local high school show should not have gone on" it goes on to say that it was sexual and that we should never have picked this show. I want to do something about this man and have someone write the other side of the article.

I found the article on the times leader site. For anyone interested to read it here is the site.

http://www.timesleader.com/mld/thetimesleader/news/editorial/letters/8330952.htm

We need to do something about this.

07:56 pm

So I definately haven't updated in a long long time. Well today was supposed to be the 5th grade performance but becasue snow had to come it was cancled and pushed back until tomorrow. But it will probably be cancled tomorrow casue we're gonna end up having a delay. So I realized my having a breakdown like 2 weeks ago concerning musical was a good thing to have it then becasue now i'm all kinda relaxed or at least more then I was. I'm ready for this to be over I'm getting sick of all the practices but I know when its all done I'm going to be saying I'm bored I wish it was still the musical.

On a completely different note. I got a new boy! He just came to our school. He's a jr. And wait..he's a jew. He's cute. So we've hung out a few times. He's an awsome kid. So thats why I've had this stupid smile on my face the past like week.

Well thats about all i can think of now. I'm done.

Current Mood: cheerful

12:15 pm

"How do you leave the past behind when it keeps finding ways to get to your heart. It reaches way down deep and tears you inside out till your torn apart."

I think i have just done the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I just told Brandon, the boy i think i'm in love with, that I can't talk to him anymore. I've talked to him every single night since New Years, when i met him, except maybe 7 nights at most. I've told him more then I think I've told anyone ever. And now I told him I can't talk to him anymore for a while becasue its too hard. I can't be with him and it kills me casue I love the kid and it hurts that I can't be with him. All I'm doing now is just crying. I'm attempting these stupid english note cards but its not happening. How do I move on? What do I do from here? I need him and miss him so much that I'm just caught up in it all. I want to talk to him so much right now but I can't cause I know it will just cause more hurt on my part. He knows how I feel, and says he feels the same way but is staying with his girlfriend. Which I'm not mad about at all..in fact I know thats probably the best thing for him right now considering she doesn't live 2 hrs away and get to see him a lot..I don't know what I want. I want to be with him but I also understand that him being with his girlfriend makes more sense then I do. Any ideas of how to move on and ignore love? cause i'm scared as hell of love and i never ever say unless I think i mean it, i've never said it to someone that i've cared about before but I 'm saying it with him. How do I ignore these feelings and move on?

Current Mood: lonely

07:52 pm - the weekend...

This weekend was so amazing. No school on Friday and then Brandon came in, in the afternoon. He is so amazing. I love that boy. He is my best friend, my soul mate, and everything in between. I wish I could be with him everyday for ever. He means the world to me, but the next afternoon I had to come back to reality and he had to go home. I miss him already, and I think I just hurt him more then I could ever imagine, cause it hurts me too. I can't be with him according to my parents and i just told him that and he has a girlfriend who he can't leave. I would do anything to be with him, I'll go against my parents for all I care. I wanna be happy, but more over I want him to be happy, and he can't be if i'm in his life. I'm just making it harder and more confusing. I wish I was away...so far away from reality kinda like it was when I was with him this weekend...except I wouldn't be with him cause although I'd be happy he wouldn't be and that means more to me. I just don't know anymore...

Current Mood: depressed

04:28 pm

Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)


What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Is it really that obvious....

08:50 pm

If I suddenly picked up and left one day, without saying goodbye and never came back...would anyone care...would anyone even notice...